ongoing help and support of a close-knit and intimate
community, tribe, or extended family.”
Lysa Parker, cofounder of Attachment Parenting In-
ternational, shares with us how to begin. “I believe that
awakening our consciousness begins with questioning
culturally based assumptions about ourselves and how
the world works,” says Parker. “We grow up steeped in a
world of stories, myths and misconceptions about who
we are, what we should be doing and when, often never
realizing our true potential. When I decided to become
a mother I began to question everything from birth to
parenting practices. One striking example of a myth
that is pervasive in the childrearing world is ‘Don’t pick
up the baby because you’ll spoil it.’ My friend and col-
league, Barbara Nicholson, and I began to question that
statement by asking if that was really true. We wanted to
know not only if that was true, but who originated it, a
finding that surprised both of us.
“John B. Watson, considered ‘the father of behavior-
ism,’ wrote a parenting book in the late 1920s called The
Psychological Care of Infants and Young Children,” Parker
explains. “He sternly warned mothers not to become too
attached to their children, not to kiss them or hold them
unless absolutely necessary. New research in neurosci-
ence and child development informs us that we not only
need to pick up a crying baby, but that it is essential for
the baby’s optimal growth.”
What are the benefits of finding companions for our
journey? Cassandra Vieten, author of Mindful Mother-
hood: Practical Tools for Staying Sane During Pregnancy
and Your Child’s First Year, says that supportive com-
munity is one of the most important things parents can
have to stay balanced and grow a healthy family. “We
must create a tribe of others who can help us stay awake
and aware, and true to our deepest instincts, values and
goals as parents, especially when choosing a new way to
parent, or if you have a non-traditional family (divorced,
single parent, LGBT or older parents),” says Vieten, a
psychologist, mind-body medicine researcher and mom.
“Whether in a moms or dads group, through babysitting
exchanges with like-minded parents, or increasingly on
the Internet, it’s important to have connections that can
support us when we feel uncertain or overwhelmed.”
While neuroscience now shows the necessity of
responding to our children for optimal brain develop-
ment and social science shows us that the ideal ratio
for raising children is four adults to one child, neither
of these foundations for wellness are made possible by
modern culture. Suzanne Arms, founder of Birthing
the Future, replies, “As the size of families has shrunk
from extended and multigenerational down to a mere
two parents or just one—and exhausted by jobs outside
the home—the urgency for parents to have community
around them increases. It’s imperative today that we
reach out and create that community of support. It’s not
“When parents raise children in isolation, our kids
get not only the best of what we try to offer, but also the
worst of our downside: our anxiety, our frustrations, our
exhaustion and our bad tempers,” continues Arms. “They
deserve so much better. Remember, we are our children’s
mirror as well as their window to the world, when they
are young. The expressions on our faces, and our body
language as we speak to them and to others in their pres-
ence, tell them how they should feel about themselves.”
What can we find in community? “Community offers
parents a common unity in which they can exchange
ideas, information and provide support,” says Lauren
Feder, M.D., an integrative family physician, certified
homeopath, and president of the Holistic Pediatric Al-
liance. “The guidance and support that I received from
other families and practitioners in the holistic commu-
nity have given me the confidence to have a tremendous
and authentic birthing and parenting experience.”
How do we find the courage to answer the hero’s call
and follow our hearts? “No hero I ever heard of did as he
or she was told. In mythic terms this means leaving the
cultural nest, walking on the edges of the unknown and
there discovering what we are truly made of, which is
nothing less than miraculous,” said Michael Mendizza,
founder of Touch the Future.
Our Yoda-in-residence here at Pathways, mother
of six Jeanne Ohm, D.C., says, “I am reminded of the
ancient African proverb, ‘It takes a whole village to raise
a child.’ The need for ongoing connectivity is vital for
the family wellness dynamic, and parents are waking up
to this need and creating community for themselves.
As I write this, and within the last year, more than 250
Pathways Connect community groups have begun
around the world. It is exciting that parents are hearing
the hero’s call to adventure and finding one another.”
I began this column by asking, “What is conscious liv-
ing?” An industrial mindset would demand a prescribed list
of to-dos and then check the boxes. Done. Go back to sleep.
But a holistic heart, one that is listening to a call emanating from just the other side of the mechanical drone
of “put the baby down,” dark GMO forests, pompous
practitioners, mountains of grimy laundry and well-earned exhaustion, knows. It already knows. There is
nothing anyone can tell it. But we can find beloved companions to share the journey, keep each other awake, tell
our stories around our internet campfires…and, who
knows? Maybe one day find treasure in the arms of our
grateful children.
Lisa Reagan is the associate editor of Pathways to Family Wellness and cofounder of Families for Conscious Living, a national nonprofit supporting Cultural Creative families since 1996. Visit the website at familiesforconsciousliving.org.
